You

As I sit here
thinking of you,
I can feel your love
so pure and true.

Remembering your smile
your eyes and face,
it brings me to
a happier place.

Like a ray of light
you brighten my day,
by saying you love me
and asking if I'm ok.

Every day and every night
you're always on my mind,
a love so true as this
is very hard to find.

And when I think
about we two,
all i can think of
is how i love you.

Here we are
many miles apart,
but you're not far
you're in my heart.

Baby, this is for you.

Was this just a dream?

I was waiting in the lobby of a nice hotel in Manila. I had just arrived an hor or so earlier. I took a shower and waited for her. All of a sudden she was there. I saw her walking up the stairs to the door. My God, it is really her. She walked in carrying dinner for both of us. She was even prettier than I had seen in pictures and on cam. That smile that had made me feel so welcome was on her face. Tonight was going to be good.....very good.
Well, I greeted her and she smiled at me. I could feel the attraction. We walked up to the elevator and made small talk. When we got to the room, she took dinner out and placed it on the desk.
I couldn't take my eyes off of her. She was just so beautiful. Her voice was so sweet. I felt so comfortable with her. I knew that this was the place I should be. Everything felt right. I couldn't have imagined it being any better. We ate and joked and enjoyed each other's company. It was a night I will never forget. I excused myself to the bathroom. When I got there, I washed my hands and looked at myself in the mirror. I said to my reflection "You are in love. She is perfect."
We enjoyed the rest of the night but sadly I had to leave in the morning. I wanted to be with her but did she want to be with me? Did I even come close to impressing her the way she impressed me? I hope she will see me again.
did you ever get the feeling that something was just perfect and if you died at that moment you would know that you experienced what love really is? That is how I felt.
Well, 2 weeks later I came back and I was late. I was held up by a sickness. I was so worried she would be upset and not see me. When I arrived at the hotel I begged her to come see me. Would she? Would she forgive me for being so late?
Well, I guess she was as excited to see me again as I was to see her. We spent the next 2 days together. We ate out, saw a movie and spent time talking and really getting to know each other. She was amazing. She was kind, humble, funny, sexy, sweet, pretty, outgoing, honest but most of all, she was always a lady. She didng degrade herself nor did she act like a tramp. She dressed like a lady, not a librarian but not a hooker either. She was just perfect. I could find nothing wrong with her.
I will never forget those 3 days and I am looking forward to more time with her. I know that if we both try, we can make it. I feel like I am somebody in her eyes. I am important. I am worthy of her love.
You know who you are hon, and thank you. You are wonderful.

Confused

Sometimes I let things bother me that I really shouldn't. I don't know why I do this to myself. I read into things that I probably shouldn't or that there is nothing to read into. I catch myself doing it but for some reason I cant stop.
All of my life I have been an optimistic person. I would always see the good in things and the positives. Over the past 10 or 15 years I have really started to change though. I seem to be more pessimistic about things and I seem to find things that bother me and let them bother me. Even after getting a reason for why things are the way they are, I still dont change my mood about them. I have even gotten to the point where I am questiong the good things that are happening to me and wonder if they are as good as they appear.
I guess when someone has been fooled for so long they tend to believe that they are being fooled again. I hate when I do this but I cant seem to stop it. I dont know if I was too trusting before or if I am not trusting enough now.
I hope that someday I will be back to the person I once was. I was always happy. I thought I was getting there but something has made me doubt that.
Maybe just saying this will help. Getting it out of my system. Hope so. I dont want to be like this.